Shattered Trust: Matilda's Redemption

Chapter31

During the session it was hard. I had to listen to how Lucas had felt after Mum was murdered. I mean we all felt it but he felt betrayed by me. He had only just started to be close to Mum again. To hear what he wanted to do was hard. I was a mess and had a panic attack in the session. Lucas felt terrible but I couldn't help it. To hear what he felt about himself after he found out I was innocent was pretty much what I had felt for them all. He realised that he couldn't ever get back to how things were before and that I would probably never trust him and I guess that was hard for him because he was a mess. I didn't know how to comfort him.

Lucas took ownership of what he did and I was thankful for that. He realised how he made me feel with the actions he took. He also realised how it had impacted me. He had grown up a lot and he wasn't trying to push me. He was happy to accept what I was offering and my boundaries. For that I was grateful. I didn't want him to play the role of brother yet because all my brothers had let me down. Did he regret his actions? Absolutely, but that doesn't change the consequences of said actions and he took it on his chin. I was willing to try a friendship on my terms which he happily accepted. He also asked John to teach him how to help me with my panic attacks in case I had one around him.

As we left the session Lucas asked if I wanted to get lunch together, when I told him I had plans with Levi he looked so defeated. I knew we both needed someone because our family was fucked up. Since Mum died, there was no one bringing our family together. That has always been Mum's job. We were all lost and broken. I did the mature thing and invited him to come along with Levi and me as long as he didn't tell anyone where we were. I couldn't emotionally deal with any other family at the moment. So here we are now heading to meet Levi.

I spotted Levi who still had green hair outside the train station and headed over throwing myself at them and hugging them. I just needed some comfort and Levi gave me great hugs. "You know I could have hugged you? Anyone would think he was your brother" Lucas said. "Levi is my sibling and the pronouns are they/them" I replied. Levi smiled and kissed my forehead while Lucas looked embarrassed. "Come on I'm hungry" said Levi and headed off to the food court in the shopping centre.

We ate our lunch and explained to Lucas what we had to do. "So you're not having Christmas with us?" Lucas asked, I just shook my head. There was no way I would be stepping foot into the house where my mum was murdered and I wanted to enjoy my Christmas seeing I had my freedom. "I can't go back into that house after everything that has happened," I said. "I get it, are you going to the carols?" Lucas asked.

Mum and I used to love going to the Christmas carols and would go every year. Mum would drag the others along too and make us all wear silly Christmas hats. I had planned to go with Harley and Bryson, Levi had their work Christmas party the night of the carols and Brad and Tommy thought it was childish. I smiled "Yeah I'm going with Bryson and Harley. As if I would miss those. It was mum and my tradition and the first time I could go in years, no way am I missing that" I beamed. Lucas just nodded and lost his smile. "Want to come? We are going to have a picnic? We are just doing the local ones, Harley and I have to be back by 10 for curfew" I asked.

"You wouldn't mind? We haven't been to the carols since mum died. I'm sure the others would love to as well" he replied. "Ummm, can we not tell any of them yet? I don't know how the sessions are going to go" I said before looking down. I felt bad it used to be a family thing but I had a new family and I didn't want my old family to ruin this for me. "Matilda it's fine I will be there. Just me, I won't push you, remember you're in charge, you set the pace" Lucas replied. "Thanks, Lui" I smiled and pulled him in for a hug. "You haven't called me Lui since before mum died, does that mean I can call you Matty?" He asked, "How about Tilly, we are starting fresh remember?" I replied. "Tilly it is" he replied.